Today I had gym 2nd block.
Swam 4th block.
And stayed after school for speed and agility.
To top that off I worked out after I got home.
geeze.
Im tired

are going out.
idk who hes playing here.
first he went out with morgan.
and now hes attempting kayla.
im telling kayla i dont care if she dates him.
because i dont.
its just weird.
idk.
frustrations arise.

Im tired of my situation with my family.
Today there was a big fight over nothing.
Screaming, yelling & fighting all around.

Joe made a big deal over nothing to get my moms attention.
I asked to stop yelling and arguing to stop the fight.
And he couldn't do that, so I pretty much lost it with him.
Annd I just kinda lost it and hid in my bathroom crying.
nobody noticed.
nobody came.
nobody cared.


While I was crying, he was whining.
then he did his usual suck up routein.
to get on my moms better than good side.
and everyone just kinda forgot about me.
and my counsouler wonders why im depressed.
it just goes to show you how much
my family'd miss me, if i were gone.

last night i had a dream that my friend cody came back to life. cody passed away in november from cancer. at first i looked at him and his body was cold and lifeless but i grabbed his hand and he started to wake up. it was weird because he seemed so real, so there and so alive. in my dream he held my hand for the longest time and i told him we're going to make it out alive. when i woke up this morning i honestly thought that dream i had was real. it took a few minets to put together that hes not coming back.

I am going to Codys grave tomorrow.

Saturday I went to this progressive action sumit in rock island. At first I listented to this lecture and was a little irritated in that this rabbi kept bringing up god. Yes he is intitled to his opionions but an hour of sitting throught that was semi obnoxious. He did make some good points on the war in iraq though. Part of the sumit was workshops you could chose, so I of course went to the inner peace outter peace class. This lady was crazy happy but in the end i left feeling slightly calmer. Since my mom was singing I sat down at a table full of adults. I met this teacher which we got talking about different languages that should be offered in the communtity schools. There was also this guy whom I was talking to about various newspaper publishings. One of the founders gave a speech right before we ate which was rather up lifting. I am seriosly considering joinging PACG youth group. I like their messages and goals they're trying to put across.
After that I walked over to Morgans then we drove over to stellas for a while. We all went ice skating aka check out hot hockey players. Oh my was there a selection haha. Stella didn't find her 7 year old boyfriend though. All of us ended up staying the night at stellas which was fun because Moe and I covered her walls in random shit. We took some pictures. Dont laugh. At like ten kayla was talking to shawn and started laughing then fell on her ass off the bed. That was the funniest thing I have seen all month. I woke up early because I was hungry and so was Morgan so we decided to go all james bond like downstairs. I was spying over the corner when...WHAM kaylas dad saw me and made me feel retarted. It was rather funny. Then sarah took all of us to STARBUCKS and kayla wanted to pay in stars. We all went to the mall and i bought nothing because I am white and my mother didn't give me any money. Morgan bought some crap which is as good as mine I guess hehe. OH and now Morgan and Stella are vegggietarians so Im not the only one anymore. We all ate veggie burgers for dinner.
haa. we're cool.
I am dreading school tomorrow.
seriously.
I dyed my hair.
lame.
Im going to bed.
focereal.

Well I am at my sisters for the week, which is uber fun.
I got her Saturday and we went out to eat with Jay's parents. It was fun untill Jay's dad started basically telling me my opinions were stupid. Okay its fine and all to not agree with me but at least be respectful argh. Yesterday we just hung out and did some shopping. I got some reallly cute stuff from some store I have never heard of. Last night I got absorbed in South of Nowwhere and I swear I couldn't turn the channel. Anywho it got me thinking, thinking of how nice it must be to wake up and know somebody out there is thinking of you.
They guy I like well idk if he even likes me anymore or if he ever did at all. Last night I kept thinking about how nice things would be if I had a guy who actually cared for me. Harumph. But whatever.
Today I went shopping with Jay early and I got some stuff to knit a scarf because I am nerdy :] Then I will make some stuff for bear outta some scrap fleece I got. He is sooo cute he woke me up this morning. I swear they're gonna have to check my pockets to make sure I dont take bear home with me.
I am gonna go eat some panera and watch degrassi or something likethat.
Sure to update sooon.
Adios loves.